My Adventures in NYC...

A large part of my professional development is introspection.  In order to help my clients, I have to help myself.  I have to look inward and make changes on myself, in order to expect my clients to also.  

So, if I’ve seemed a little sad or lost, it’s because of this.  I’m emmersed in it.  I have to deal with it in class, while reading, writing papers, and def at my internship.  Those things ARE my life right now.  

This is also the reason why I might seem homesick to you.  I don’t/won’t have to think about this at home with my family and with friends I’ve known since I was 6.  I can forget the stress of my life here.  And, if I do experience stress there, they know me well enough that I don’t have to explain myself, as I do here.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met great people here.  But besides Liz and Paola, I feel like I am still in the “getting to know you” phase with most people here, not on a deeper level than going out drinking and laughing…yet.  They’re good people, though.  Making new friends is hard, but worth it.  It’s also very anxitey-inducing.

I want the comfort of my dogs snuggling next to me.  I want to hear my mom’s weird, distinct laugh, as much as she pisses me off all the time.  I want to annoy my brother.  I want to have coffee with Jes and know she’s one of the few people on the Planet who completely gets how my crazy brain works.  I want to have lunch with Laura and remember my grandparents with her.  I want to sit beside the ocean with my uncle, eating a burrito, talking about what movie we should go see after we watch the sun set.  I want those little things that mean so much to me.

Moving here was a bit of a middle finger to everyone.  But now I see it was mainly to myself.  To just…do it.  The rebeliousness of it was alluring to me.

I don’t have those people and things in my life here- I knew this moving here.  I know decades from now I will look back on this fun, yet hard, draining, wide-open-with possibilities part of my life with a smile.  Just not there yet.

I LOVE this show.  Why?

It’s a show that deals with a mid-twenties woman trying to balance relationships, her family, and her career who’s constantly told she won’t make it and can’t do it.  

Isn’t that life summed up right there?!

She is my role model with her positive and optimistic attitude.  People see me as that girl- the constantly happy one.  No.  I’m not.  You just don’t see me at my lowest.  If you’re close to me, you know the what’s of what get me down:  Missing my Oma and Opa, and Dad pretty much ruins me at times.  And that’s when I flip on Ugly Betty.  OMG I love this show!

Love when this happens!

terrormarie:

I’m literally the only person in a movie theatre that’s quite possibly bigger than my high school football stadium.

(via nothingandeverything)

Angel-A

Location:  I live on the west coast, I wanna move to the east coast.  Then, when I do, I cannot wait to get back to the west coast.

Relationships: I go on a third date/start getting closer/hang out more often and freak out thinking all my free time is going to be spent with them, so I pull away claiming I want my independence.  Then, when I’m single I wish there was someone to cuddle and hold hands with.

Hair:  I have long blonde hair, then chop it all off and dye it black without a second thought.

Piercings:  I get my first piercing in March, and by December I have 6 more piercings.

Having a “Baking/Movie Bonanza” break from finals with Sylvia in 3 days.

Being done with your first semester of grad school finals in 4 days.  

Getting your hair done for the first time in 6 months in 8 days.

Going home (which is 3,000 miles away) in 13 days.

:D

I think my grad school crush might have just flirted with me.  When I got to class he was talking to some other people, but when I got there he moved closer to me and then made a joke of him moving closer to me, and preceded to move even closer AGAIN!  He asked how I was, I sighed and he said “you look like you’re holding up well.”  He looks at me a lot…

…he’s either very friendly, into me or I’m just being an overanalyzing female, as always :/

I’m not a big fan.  You were cute and likeable in Mean Girls and Freaky Friday, but since then you’ve changed and now most of us just feel sorry for you and want to get a full checkup after touching you.  Anyways, after your past couple of years, I think doing the Walk of Shame out of Jason Segel’s house is a step in the right direction.  He’s hot and funny.  Upgrade.  GET IT GURL

That’s all.

You are the weakest link, goodbye.

kathlellen:

As one who is prone to bouts of shut-inism, whose mind goes into overdrive at the slightest sign of distress regarding relationships, who has spent prolonged periods feeling trapped in the house this past year and a half with no money, and so on and so forth, I’ve had my fair share of funks. I think my sense of realism actually makes me less happy than the average person, and yet I have no desire to delude myself or play nicey-nice all the time. (That said, I really envy Jessica and her constant positive outlook - I mean, it’s more than worked out for her! I should really try it sometime!) The thing is, there’s a time for self-indulgence in the face of unjust bullshit, and there’s a time to buck up, get back out there, and fight. Or at least fake it till you make it.

Alas, here’s what I got for ya. Try these if you need to get yourself out of a rough patch.

- Get your hands on coffee, tea, green juice, natural energy boosters, adrenaline, whatever. Life is easier to handle when you feel fully awake. With that in mind, get some proper sleep.

- Develop as regular a schedule as you can. If your life feels out of your control, control everything you can. Start with time. Get up at the same time every day. Try to go to bed at the same time every night. Limit how many hours you can watch TV or stay in your bed.

- Get dressed up. I spent months inside my house writing my book in a tank top and a pair of mesh shorts. It was my home uniform. Therefore, whenever I went out of the house, I dressed up like I was going to the biggest party in town. Unnecessary dresses, lots of jewelry, the whole nine. I felt better. Get out of the hooded sweatshirt, pronto.

- The shower is your friend. Take two showers a day if it passes the time and makes you feel better. Use a citrus scented body wash. Do your nails. Moisturize like it’s going out of style. Put on full makeup. When you cry your mascara off, wash your face and start over.

- Have a symbolic object. Sounds crazy, but it’s not. I have a small silver ring that means “strength.” I bought it for myself and whenever I touch it, I’m reminded to stay strong. It doesn’t always stop me from crying, but it reminds me that I should.

- Clean. Your room, your car, your sheets, your clothes, everything. Get organized. Donate clothes you don’t wear. Scrub your bathtub. Put the clothes in the hamper, not next to it.

- That stack of bills and other “I’ll do that later” paperwork? Tackle it. Get it off your mind so you can concentrate on the things you WANT to do. Doing what you want = moar happyniss.

- Read the 12 Principles of Buddhism. I do this all the time. It’s a great way of remembering that you are your own problem and your own solution (and karma’s only a bitch if you are).

- Do something. Play a repetitive, mind-numbing game, volunteer, plan a vacation you have no means of taking, paint, ANYTHING.

- Exercise. Duh.

- Find the songs that transport you to your happy place. For me, it’s either “All the Small Things” or “All These Things That I’ve Done” (a recent reblog) because they bring me right back to my trip across Europe. Yes, it’s denying the reality of being in the now and fixing your problems, but it works.

- Inhale the internet. Learning is fun.

- DON’T GO THERE. Don’t read the old emails from the person who broke your heart. Don’t look at the photos from that semester you practically failed out of college because you were drunk all the time. Save this shit for when you’re truly over it.

- Go here, here, here, or here.

- Write lists, and more lists, and more lists. Check things off of them. Feel productive.

- Read The Mastery of Love. I think coketalk suggested this. For the record, the book is totally flowery and thus gets annoying at times. If you can only stomach one chapter, make it Chapter 6: “The Magical Kitchen.” Then approach every aspect of your life with love.

And now that I’ve written this, I have a lot of work to do. The first thing I did was take off the sweatshirt. Now I’m going to take shower number two of the day so I’m all fresh and clean, not re-read the email that made me sad, drink a Green Machine, and do some writing. Hopefully the rest will fall into place.